Coyotes, Queens, and Lemonade

Coyotes on the HuntMy German Shepherd Kolby and I saw two coyotes on our walk this morning, followed by two hot air balloons. While these events may seem unrelated, I’ve learned that everything happens for a reason, and thus nothing is truly unrelated.

So when I got home and sat down for my morning meditation, I asked myself, “Why coyote? Why 2s?”

In Native American mythology, especially Cherokee, Coyotes are the tricksters. They love to play and have fun – albeit sometimes at others’ expense. The message coyote brought me was that I need to play more, learn to laugh at myself, take myself and life in general less seriously, and just have fun. Coming off the heels of hosting my first video interview series and getting ready to launch a new website and a new podcast, this makes perfect sense to me. Less work; more play, have more fun. Check.

What about the pairs – of coyotes and of balloons? In numerology, the number 2 is associated with all things feminine: gentle, tactful, diplomatic, forgiving and understanding. And this gets us back to what we’ve been talking about in the past few blog posts – be-ing a Queen.

In my 20s and 30s, I tended to act from a masculine rather than feminine perspective. I think this is fairly common among women in male-dominated careers or ‘corporate America’ types of jobs, of which I consider Academia. When you must be goal-oriented in your career and the pressure is on to do more with less, I think having these masculine traits can be of service. But, if you take those same traits into your everyday life – as I did for two decades – that doesn’t always work out so well…

What do I mean by masculine traits? In my experience, that has meant that individuals in their masculine tend to be very competitive, operating from a sense of lack or ‘not enoughness’ rather than a sense of collaboration or abundance.  Individuals who are more in their masculine seem almost distant from their feelings, as though their feelings can’t be shared or shown for fear of being seen as weak. So they appear to distance themselves from you just when you start reaching for the emotional connection required for most women to feel truly attached to someone.

That may not seem so bad, but it usually doesn’t stop there. Because I always felt like I had to prove my worth – in academia and in life – I tended to approach relationships from a place of fear rather than a place of love. I was vigilant, wanting to make sure I didn’t ‘screw up’ or make someone mad. Or even worse, I worried that they might find out about my ‘not enoughness’ and leave me. And because I was trapped in my own fear of being not enough, I didn’t trust myself, which meant I really couldn’t trust anyone else. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop – not a good place to find yourself in any relationship, but especially not in a romantic one. And after years and years of this be-ing (or do-ing, really) in my masculine, I got bitter and resentful. I wondered why I could never seem to be enough.

Until one day when I realized that I was.

I wasn’t broken, I didn’t need fixing. I was enough, perfect just as I am right here, right now.

And that is the secret every Queen knows: a Queen is gentle, tactful, diplomatic, forgiving and understanding because she believes in herself. She’s seen struggle, she’s known loss, and she made it through. She walked on the lemons life threw her way and not only set up a lemonade stand, but also became more confident in her ability to sell said lemonade and make a profit. She looks in the mirror and knows that her wrinkles tell her story, her lines and scars speak of her journey that is this life, and her tears are shed not only for grief but for joy and happiness, for lessons learned. She loves and accepts every part of herself – her shadow and her light. And she is proud – of her life, of her journey, of herself. She’s sees her own beauty and the beauty in others. She walks beside you, never stepping on you for her own gain. She remembers how to play and makes sure to take exquisite care of herself. She sees coyote and knows her message: Be true to yourself, child, you are not in this life alone. Play, have fun, ask for help when you need it, and most importantly, always be as gentle, forgiving, and understanding with yourself as you are with everyone else.

From one woman who would be Queen of Her Own Life to Another: Namaste.

Now go share your light with the world, and don’t forget to have a little fun!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perfect Imperfection

beauty girl cry

Last night I cried.

I was reading Chapter 2 of Alison Armstrong’s book Queen’s Code and I experienced some powerful aha moments. Things about myself that I knew, but hadn’t wanted to accept. Things about myself that I know I need to work on so I don’t continue to make the same mistakes in my relationships with colleagues, students, clients, family, and friends. And it all has to do with the illusive Perfect Person.

“Women are instinctively motivated by perfection, and the need to be perceived as perfect enough to be pleasing… But not too perfect so as to cause jealousy in other women. This is the source of our drive to improve ourselves, and our fear of standing out at the same time.” ~ Alison Armstrong

Armstrong’s words ring so true for me. I have been motivated by perfection my whole life, and it has only been in the past couple of years that I’ve realized two things: 1) there is no such thing as “perfect” and 2) everything is perfect just as it is, or it wouldn’t be that way.

But we, as women, don’t accept our inherent perfection; we only see flaws. We criticize, we judge, we blame – others, and most of all, ourselves – when we can’t meet this illusive standard of being the “Perfect Person.” But I think it’s even worse than that. We hold impossibly high standards for ourselves, and then criticize, blame, and judge ourselves when we can’t meet these standards. Then we internalize that blame and shame and feel that we can never be good enough because we are too much or too little of something we thing we should be ‘just the right amount’ of. So we keep striving, we keep trying to become “perfect” and we fail every single time. And we become depressed or anxious or engage in self-harming behaviors (e.g., overeating, over-exercising, gambling, excessive shopping, other addictive behaviors) to punish ourselves for not being perfect.

Until the damn breaks. Until we can’t take the blame and shame and self-loathing anymore, and we turn it outward.

“When women cannot get what they need — no matter how they change themselves — it hurts, deeply. They react to hurt with anger. If the hurt is not healed, the anger ages into resentment. Accumulated resentment makes a woman bitter.” ~ Alison Armstrong

I’ve seen this happen so many times – in my mother, in my female friends, in myself. And it scares me because when a woman has been pushed so far that she has become bitter, you can bet that behind that bitterness lays a sense of self-worth in shambles. And behind that obliterated sense of self-worth lays an innocent child who really and truly has no idea what she’s done wrong, only that she wasn’t perfect enough to please [insert authority figure from your childhood]. And the sad thing is she’s still trying to please that person. She doesn’t know that they’ve moved on, that adult she has moved on. She still thinks she has to be more (or less) of something; she’s still locked in a prison of perfection – a cage of her own inadvertent making – resisting change, resisting acceptance, resisting her own perceived imperfections.

Ladies, this has got to change. We have to heal these wounded parts of ourselves; we have to stop the blame and shame and judging and criticism. We have to stop suppressing our light, our authenticity, our voice. We have to let go of resistance, replace the can’ts with cans; the shouldn’ts with shoulds.

 

I want you to do something for me – for yourself – today. Take your Life Satisfaction list from last week and for every area you rated less than a 7 ask yourself the following questions:

  • What am I resisting? What am I judging in myself as imperfect that is causing this number to be so low?
  • What can I replace this resistance with? How can I alter my mindset/belief system to approach this from a healthier place?

For example, I rated my finances as a 6 because I have some debt. Doing this process revealed the following:

  • What am I resisting? What am I judging in myself as imperfect that is causing this number to be so low?

I am resisting my debt because I have judged that having any debt means I’m irresponsible with my money.

  • What can I replace this resistance with? How can I alter my mindset/belief system to approach this from a healthier place?

I can change my belief to be that investing in myself and my company is a smart move when it feels in alignment and congruent with my mission.

Now doesn’t that feel so much better than blame and shame? While you’re at it turn your new beliefs into affirmations and recite them every morning as you look at yourself in the mirror and watch your life change for the better!

 

The Princess and the Frog Farmer

Rana con corona e castello sullo sfondoI’m re-reading Alison Armstrong’s books, specifically the Queen’s Code and I had an ‘aha’ moment that I’d like to share with you in the hopes that it serves you.

In her book Keys to the Kingdom, Armstrong argues that men go through 4 stages of development: the Page (boys who want to be Knights), the Knight (adventurers), Prince (empire builders), and King (sovereign ruler of the empire he’s built). What I realized is this: I think women go through similar stages: Maiden/Princess, Mother, Queen, and Crone/Wise Woman, although I think there may be overlap in some of these stages.

When I was a little girl, I loved to dress up as a Fairy Princess. In an era where all Disney movies portrayed women as either Fairy Princesses or Evil Queens, who didn’t want to be the Princess? She got all the good stuff and didn’t really have to do anything to get there. That’s not to say that the Princesses didn’t struggle (ala Cinderella) before getting their due, but Disney really portrayed life as: Put Up with the Evil Queen until you Find Your Prince and then Live Happily Ever After.

Only real life never works that way. At least, it didn’t for me. Which gets me back to my ‘aha’ moment.

At 41, I am getting past my Mother stage in terms of reproductive years (although I still tend to play that role to a large extent in my academic job where my students come to me for guidance – more on that later). But what I realized is that at 41, when it comes to romantic relationships I’ve been stuck in the Princess stage my entire life. Although I know there is no such thing as Prince Charming, I’ve been waiting for him. Thus, I enter romantic relationships under the misguided assumption that my “Prince” will save me and provide for my every wish. But he can’t; for two reasons: 1) Men aren’t mind readers, so the notion that your Prince will know exactly what you want and provide for your every need is ridiculous. (And good luck trying to demand what you need from him.) 2) “Princes” – that is men in Armstrong’s Prince stage – aren’t at the point where they can provide you what you need anyway because they are still too busy trying to figure out what they need and building their empires.

In Fairy Tales when a Princess meets her Prince, her life becomes everything she always wanted and more. In reality when a ‘Princess’ meets her ‘Prince’, she more than likely turns him into a frog (what Alison Armstrong calls Frog Farming). Why? Because she has unrealistic expectations of him and he’s so caught up in building his empire that he can barely see the forest for the trees let alone anticipate and take care of his Princess’ needs.

So this weekend I made a decision: I no longer want to be a Princess waiting for her Prince to save her/fix her/make her happy. It’s time to become a Queen – in all areas of my life. It’s time to be sovereign of my own life, both at work (the Mother energy that I have been using to mentor students actually hinders them because it ends up being more of me do-ing it for them than teaching them how to do it themselves and challenging them to rise to the occasion) and in my relationships with friends (no more trying to ‘help’ my friends fix their lives; again that’s Mother energy and my friends are not children and don’t usually ask for my help or advice – they want to vent not help ‘fixing’ their lives) and romantic partners (I’m done Frog Farming, thank you very much!).

I’ve been exploring Queen energy for several months now, but only in the past month have I really begun to figure out what that means/looks like/etc. I’d love it if you’d take the journey with me. Are you ready to become Queen of Your Life? Ready to Design and Create your Ideal Life rather than waiting for it to be delivered to you all wrapped up with a shiny bow? Me too.

If you’re ready, I invite you to download and take the Life-Satisfaction-Worksheet. In my next post, we’ll talk about what to do with the information you gathered on your worksheet.

I look forward to becoming Queens together!

Much love!

Goddess (and Queen of Her Own Life) Mary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Importance of Morning Routines

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve understood the power of morning routines – things you can do to really start your day off on the right foot. My morning routines have varied over the years, but the point is that I have one. I no longer roll out of bed and get on my iPhone. I take my time starting my day, getting grounded and centered.

These days, my morning routine involves:

  • Opening up the house to let some fresh air in
  • Feeding the squirrels
  • Taking Kolby for a stroll in the foothills (emphasis on the word stroll there… you cant move very quickly when you have to stop to wait for your dog to pee every 5 seconds!)
  • Feed Kolby
  • Make and drink my morning lemon water (juice of half to a whole lemon – or 3-5 drops of lemon essential oil, 1-2 tbs apple cider vinegar, fill the rest with water)
  • Morning meditation – 10-20 minutes of grounding, balancing my chakras, thanking the elements, praying, saying my affirmations, and sitting in silence for a few minutes)
  • Journaling
  • Checking in with myself and my body, asking what I and my body need today
  • Shower and start my day

My morning routine makes all the difference in my day. If I skip it, my whole day feels ‘off’ and I am much more in gerbil-on-a-wheel mode – anxious, not able to focus. But when I take the time to breathe and feel into my morning, ah….

I know, I know. You’re too busy for a morning routine. My full routine can take up to an hour, depending on the day. But I didn’t start that way. I started with 5 minutes. That’s it. 5 minutes before I even got out of bed. That 5 minutes made such a difference in my day that it became 10, then 15, then 30…

Take time for yourself every morning, even if it’s just 5 minutes. You are so worth it.

BodyLovin’ Goddess Guide to Essential Oils

essential oils and medical flowers herbs I started using essential oils years ago. I had already been using them as perfumes because my skin is so sensitive to manufactured perfumes due to the chemicals used in making these aromas. Essential oils, however, never bothered me.

Then a few years ago when I broke my heel, a friend of mine brought me some Deep Blue (a pain-relieving essential oil mix). I was hooked. As I got older, I became increasingly sensitive to chemicals, so I started using essential oils to make my own soaps, household products, skin care products, etc. Now I use them daily to stay healthy and maintain an optimal level of wellness.

I am so passionate about essential oils for mental, physical, and spiritual health, that I’ve decided to come out of the closet so to speak and share what I know about essential oils with you. Beginning this month, I will be hosting monthly calls about various topics and sharing how I have used essential oils to help heal a variety of issues.

This month’s call will be a basic overview of essential oils and will include a bonus ebook where I share my favorite recipes and uses for essential oils. I can’t wait to share these with you! I hope you’ll join me! (And no worries, if you can’t make it live. I’ll send you the ebook and replay!)

The first call is:

Date:  July 15th, 2015

Time:  7PM ET / 6PM CT/ 5PM MT / 4PM PT

 

Can a health problem be a guide to your purpose?

Doctor experiencing tension headache

Are you feeling dragged down by a health problem, whether it’s large and threatening or small and persistent?  I invite you to consider whether your health problem could be a guide to your life purpose, and thus a gateway to healing.

I know from hard experience that ill health can be deeply discouraging.  But I’ve also learned that it can point us toward the life path we’re really supposed to be on.  For me and so many others, our health problems call us to notice where our lives are out of balance, where our hearts feel malnourished, and whether we feel a passionate calling to serve a purpose that might seem surprising yet lead us to delight.  As I struggled for years with immune and autoimmune challenges, I discovered gradually that the more I honored my desire to connect with nature and teach others about linkages between our own wellness and the Earth’s wellness, the more my mind, body, and spirit came into alignment, and the more my heath improved.  My work and lifestyle have shifted in many ways and my health is better than it’s ever been.  I know it’s possible to say ‘yes’ to discerning how you can learn from an illness, use it for the good, and let it boost you forward into your highest and best contribution to the world.

Whatever your purpose is, it matters to your health.  If your purpose is unfulfilled your body will tell you about it.  To heal, you need to look beyond medicating the bodily messenger or being frustrated with the messenger and instead listen deeply to its wisdom.  An unfulfilled altruistic purpose may be stifled underneath the surface of your mind-body-spirit system in such a way that your body tries to capture your attention via symptoms of illness.  An unfulfilled purpose may disrupt mind-body-spirit energetic integration, thus making you much more vulnerable to the other factors that can influence the development of illness (genetics, environment, diet, stress, etc.)  In indigenous cultures around the world, this phenomenon is called shaman sickness.  Those with shaman sickness have a powerful life purpose, typically involving healing or leading of some kind, that tends to cause health problems if it’s ignored.

By paying attention to both indigenous wisdom and modern insights, we’re learning that the threat of illness can be an invitation to heal at a deep level: to heal yourself, re-balance your life, and contribute to healing life on our planet.  We live in a time when people and the Earth have many needs.  Thought leaders worldwide agree that many of us alive today have the purpose of contributing to the Great Work (a.k.a. Great Turning or Great Transition) of re-balancing the human relationship to the Earth, restoring human health, and continuing to heal relationships within the human species.  In this era of crisis on the Earth, many of us are experiencing health problems related to stress, a fast life pace, our impoverished diets, and environmental toxicity.  Our health problems are reminders that life on our planet needs repair.

Your purpose may be simply to lovingly nurture your own body, stand up in moderate ways for the good you believe in, or care for your family or a garden.  It may be to create art to inspire others, to teach children, to become a health coach, to rescue animals, or to advocate for the restoration of your local waterway or forest.  The options are many.  Perhaps you have a larger calling as a leader.  What is important is to listen to the internal voice that may be begging you to honor or discover your purpose, and may be whispering to you that your health will be so much better when you do.

For more support with exploring how your wellness and purpose are linked, you can receive a free copy of “8 Ways To Know Whether Your Illness Is Pointing to Your Purpose, & What To Do Next,” by visiting http://mutualflourishing.org/?page_id=442

Remember, if you have a persistent health problem and you feel called to make some type of helpful contribution to the world, those are not separate threads in your life, but threads that are asking to be interwoven.  Your purpose is your unique way of being part of the life system here on Earth.  Aligning with it also may be a key to your health.

 

charaChara Armon, Ph.D. teaches about the connections between wellness and life purpose to help you discover your pathways toward health and service.  As a teacher, mentor, and scholar, she ignites attention to our opportunity to heal human and Earth health as the same endeavor, for mutual flourishing.  Find her at http://mutualflourishing.org, www.healingearthself.com/deephealingautoimmunity, and on Owning Pink.

Self love. BodyLove. Goddess.

2015-06-03 10.58.52

 

I was on a beach in California watching the waves crash over the rocks when it hit me: I was tired of waiting for my happy ending. Tired of living my life in reaction mode instead of creating the life I want to be living. Tired of pretending I was Cinderella and if I just waited long enough, my Prince would come save me from myself.

As I walked along the beach, I asked myself, “why do I not come here more often?” It’s only a couple of hours plane ride away. I always make excuses. I don’t have time to travel. It costs too much money to travel. I can’t afford it, and California is too expensive anyway.
Yet, that’s all they are. Excuses. Limiting beliefs. Lies I tell myself. And I don’t want to do that anymore.
So I made a few decisions while I was in California.
  1. I left my Princess behind on that beach. I’m stepping into my Queenhood. I also left my people pleaser and doer there too. And my inner mean girl.
  2. I decided I wanted to travel, instead of just talking about how I want to travel… To that end, I signed up for a travel club and plan to start hosting BodyLove, Self-Love, and Goddess retreats with my fellow Everyday Goddesses Lisa Michaels and Lisa Marie Rosati, among others. If you want to join us in our travel club adventures, sign up here.
  3. I decided to stop holding myself back when it comes to my business growth. So I am exploring new wealth channels. Let me know if you want in on that!
  4. I decided that it’s time I came out of hiding in a big way. That I stopped playing small. That I stopped second guessing myself on career decisions and trusted the Universe to provide the way for me. I am a much better manifestor than I give myself credit for. I only have to believe that I am.

If you’re ready to step into your Queenhood, join me for my free call: Learn to Trust Your Intuition: The First Step to Transforming Your Life. 

How to Be Queen of Your Own Life, Step I

Closeup of beautiful blond girl wearing a tiara and looking at camera

I was chatting with a friend of mine today about the phases of women’s lives. She just returned from Salem, MA. While there she visited the Witch House and took a tour. Her tour guide was talking with her about the three traditional phases of a woman’s life: Maiden, Mother, and Crone. However, she added that in modern times there are now four phases: Maiden, Mother, Queen, and Crone.

I’ve been toying with adding two chapters to my as-of-yet-unpublished manuscript on Awakening the Goddess Within since December. I believe the time has come. School’s out for the next two months; it’s time to figure out just who this Queen archetype is and how she plays a role in my life.

Thus far, I like what I have found. While the Maiden archetype is young, wild, and free, the Mother is nurturing, caring, and puts others before herself, and the Crone is the Wise Woman, the Queen is a different entity entirely. The Queen is the Sovereign of her own domain. Her “mothering” years are behind her (or at least her children are past childhood and need less care from her) and she is entering a new phase in her life – one where she gets to focus her energy on her own pursuits; define how she will live her life; explore the possibilities with her mature sense of knowing what she wants and what she doesn’t.

In the past 6 months, Universe has sent me numerous signs that it’s time for me to take charge of my own life in a way I never have before; set new boundaries; become Queen of my own Domain. My mothering years are over; my reproductive years coming to an end. Now I can channel my “birthing” energy into my passions and projects that stir my Soul.

So what is the first step? How do you become Queen of Your Own Life? I believe Step 1 is this: Reconnect with Your Intuition and Learn to Trust that Inner Voice of Wisdom. To that end, my June telecall is all about exploring how you begin to do that. If, like me, you have always been a people pleaser, lacked self-trust, and put your needs last on your to-do list, the time has come for your – and me – to rise to the occasion. Are you ready to become Queen of your own life? I hope you’ll join me for next week’s call and take a step down the path to living the life of your dreams.

What Does Trusting Your Intuition Have to Do with Self-Love?

leg girl draws in the sand heart

I was just asked to speak at an on-line women’s retreat, Woman Unleashed. As I love the host and her message and we’ve worked together before, I immediately said yes. She told me the topic of the series was trusting your intuition and asked me what I wanted to talk about. I responded immediately: self-love! That’s when she asked me, “What does trusting your intuition have to do with self-love?” My answer: Everything.

Let me break it down for you.

You know my story: 24-year battle with endometriosis, infertility, osteopenia, and an eating disorder that culminated in a 6-month cosmic 2×4 in 2013 that turned my life upside down. Remember the whole “had a midlife crisis, changed my career trajectory, wrote a book, birthed 2 websites, got a divorce, moved, broke my heel for the second time in a year, turned 40” thing? Yeah, that. Pay attention: this is where the self-love part comes in. As I watched all of this unfolding (at times it felt so surreal that it really did seem like I was but a pawn in my own life), I realized something: I didn’t love myself. I don’t mean in the narcissistic “I am so great” kind of way, but in the basic I didn’t trust, honor, or respect myself. I was my own worst enemy, extremely self-critical and intolerant of my mistakes. And though I did honor my intuition and make those major life changes, it was with a one-foot-in-one-foot-out mentality. I worked myself to the bone to make all of that happen, but I didn’t trust myself. I wasn’t truly allowing things to unfold. I was fighting against the Universe kicking and screaming the whole time.

It took me another 6 months, but I finally got it. You can’t fight against the Universe and expect to win – or even keep your sanity! You know that saying, “Everything happens for a reason?” I used to roll my eyes when people said that. Now I smile and say, “Yes, it does.”

And that’s the beauty of life. Life doesn’t happen to you; it happens for you. Just when you’re ready to throw in the towel and give up, something happens that you never would have expected – something that kicks you in the butt – but that you needed to grow and evolve.

But perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned thus far has been to love myself. To realize that I am a worthy person, not for what I can do for others, but for who I am. That we are all beautiful and unique and we all have gifts to share with the world – sometimes these gifts aren’t what we necessarily would have chosen for ourselves, but they are still gifts.

My friend and colleague Lisa Marie Rosati likes to say, “Your mess is your message.” That could not be more true for me. Sometimes Universe sends challenges your way not just so you can learn from them but so that others can learn from you. So that you can pass on messages of hope – be the beacon for someone else who is going through a rough time.

So what do you do when that Cosmic 2×4 comes your way and shakes you to your core? You listen to your intuition, that’s what. And if that seems easier said than done, I hope you’ll join me for June’s free call: Learning to Trust Your Intuition. Your intuition will never lead you astray. It may tell you to do something unpopular; you might not always like what it has to say, but believe me when I tell you that it has your best interest at heart.

Rewrite Your Story

Portrait of romantic young woman writing in a diary lying down over the grass. Relax outdoor time concept.

During a meditation this weekend I was reminded of a powerful Universal truth: what we think about, we get more of. I’ve spent the past month bemoaning the fact that my ex took nearly all of my tools when he left – it’s the “you don’t know you need it, til you do” thing. Several times a week I go to get my [insert tool] and find it missing. So it’s another trip to Home Depot. But then it occurred to me: by continuing to tell my story about my latest trip to Home Depot to my friends, I am merely assuring my next trip to Home Depot to replace a missing tool.

I’m tired of giving Home Depot my paychecks. But how can I handle the fact that I keep having to buy replacement tools? I can re-write my story, that’s how.

I’ve been involved with the non-profit organization Girls on the Run for several years now. It’s a self-esteem building organization for girls in 3rd-8th grades. In one of the lessons, we teach the girls about “plugging into the positivity cord.” The idea is that if we hang around negative people, we’ll attract more negativity into our lives. If, on the other hand, we plug into the positivity cord and try to only hang around people who have a positive influence in our lives, then we’ll continue to attract more positivity.

While that may seem too simple, the point is valid. We attract what we put out. So if you are unhappy with your life, the question you should ask is: How can I change things to make my life be more in line with the way I want it to be? Sound too easy? It isn’t.

Let me give you an example. I’ve been re-reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. In one of her experiences in India, she is lamenting the fact that her ex left her. Her friend Richard sheds light on her dilemma and allows her to re-write her story.

“I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby—you’re just lickin’ at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot—a door-way. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in—God will rush in—and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

 

Richard makes it sound so easy, doesn’t he? But it is. What if I stop telling stories about my having to go to Home Depot again? What if instead of bemoaning my fate, I let it go so that I can open the door to new experiences, to bigger and better things? What if the next time I find a missing tool, I say “Thank you,” and send my ex some love and light for all the lessons I learned from him? What if I re-wrote my story and made it one of empowerment instead of victimhood?

Now that’s something I think I can do. What story will you re-write?